I used to think that the godliest thing I could do was to express my opinions in relaxed ways and show everyone how gracious, Christ-like, and wise I was. Stupid idea, I know, but I thought it. Unfortunately, I employed this tactic many times and was flabbergasted to find that no one ever bowed down in awe and reverance at my immense understanding and grace. Haha. I never understood at all. Now I know that my first and foremost concern shouldn’t be to express my opinions at all, but rather to listen to others and have a heart for them. Not to speak, but to listen. It’s funny. My parents have been telling me that for years and I always thought it was a dumb idea. How can you win people without words? Now I realize that we don’t win people– God does–and we definitely don’t win them with many words and no concern for listening. We are simply to be living examples of Him to others, to walk with them through their struggles and triumphs, or as some people say: “to do life with them’. People are His passion. We are called to live that passion out.
It’s interesting to me that I never seem to grow out of some of my immature views of God and His will. Like how I somehow still often employ that holier-than-thou tactic as if it’s worth something. Sometimes, this really stresses me out. I look back on my actions, slap my hand to my forehead (ow), and say, “Kegan, you idiot! What were you thinking?!” Of myself, honestly. I start stressing over what those people must think of me now or how what I said came across to them or about how I could make amends. But you know what? It doesnt matter. It’s okay. ‘Cuz I’m a mess. We all are. And sometimes, people are going to permanently etch the holier-than-thou sentiment or some other broken impression of me into their minds as their thought of who I am. And I’m sorry for that, but there’s nothing I can do but love them imperfectly. I’ll never be Jesus, but I can sure keep training my heart to see others as He does. So, do I have ulterior motives? Often, yes. But you’ll need to forgive me. I’m a young fool whose a bit hard-headed with much to learn. Do I love you? Always. And you know what? I think that’s kind of how it’s meant to be until we’re made perfect. Every little time we forgive someone, we experience Christ, and as we grow deeper in love with others, we get to know Him better. So, it’s okay. I’ve learned that the heroes in my life don’t really have capes or super powers, and they’re not all that I thought they were. They let me down. We disagree. They hurt me. Again and again. And you know what? That’s okay. Cuz they love me imperfectly. And I’m enjoying that. In the end, we can laugh about it, and experience more of Christ together. Is it always easy? God knows, no. But it is what it is, and there’s something freeing about that….