As the darkness crowded around me, I hugged my covers closer. But I couldn’t shake the uneasiness. This wasn’t new to me—it’d happened a million times before. So, I decided to listen to my ipod. I plugged the earbuds in my ears and laid back down. But what to listen to? I’d listened to most of these so many times I’d nearly gotten tired of them. I wanted something fresh. Something that would touch my heart. I needed something to take my mind off the spiritual failures and the clenching in my throat. But what? As I flipped through my playlists, I saw two letters:
Ah! Now there was a christian rap artist I hadn’t really listened to much. We only had a few songs of his, and I hadn’t really ventured out of Lecrae yet. So, I hit it. A list of songs popped up. Not many. But enough. One album’s worth: “Weight & Glory”. But I had heard some of these before. They were really good songs, but not what I was in the mood for. Something else. The problem was, I just didn’t know most of these!
“Open Letter (Battlefield),” I read. It sounded vaguely familiar but I didn’t remember anything about it.
“Well, there’s nothing else, really, and I don’t want to wait much longer to pick one!” I thought, the feelings only tensing more. So, I hit it.
My eyes opened wide.
There, inside my head, was playing a testimony I had heard only too often. Much of it my own. As the girl’s story played, I kept rewinding the song, not believing what I was hearing. I was trying to soak it all in. Even the second testimony was so familiar to my ears. How many guys had I heard vent over the same problem, crushed by the culture’s over-sexualization? As I listened, I recalled them. Time and time again. So many hurting people….
I thought the song would be over after the second verse. But it wasn’t.
As the music artist started to pray, tears sprang to my eyes. Because he was praying for me. For friends. For family. For so many broken hearts. I was hearing the words of so many unspoken prayers. And I felt strengthened and uplifted by it.
Seeing the need, I wanted to share the song with you. You are not alone. You have to know there is hope! There is love! And there is immeasurable grace waiting to be lavished on you! Just take a moment. Listen to the testimonies of the “civilized”:
“Open letter (Battlefield)”
I really appreciate ya’ll coming out to pray with me, man!
My heart’s just been real heavy here lately, man.
I got a stack of letters here, and I thought we should read a couple of ’em,
And pray at the end. So I got one right here from Atlanta.
[Verse 1: KB]
What’s going on? It’s Ashley from the show
That you was doing with Trip Lee.
The Crew and the Spirit was moving, man! It was really dope!
When y’all left the A, I was so encouraged in the faith!
And I blessed the Lord for HGA—
I wanna start this off by saying thanks!
(There’s a battle going on)
But, lately, I’ve had this struggle with
Secrets of my past in the past five years of singleness.
(I know it) I’m lusting. I’m sinning, but my lust here is different—
Since I’ve been so alone, I kinda long for the touch of a woman!
(There’s a battle going on)
And I know it’s wrong, but dudes never ever show me attention!
I go unnoticed, it was a joke but girls show me interest!
Dudes at my church say that I’m the type of chick that they want,
But when I see the girls they date I know they really don’t!
I get jealous quick. I hate the mirror—I don’t feel pretty!
I’ve even contemplated surgery to feel skinny!
I know it’s real silly. The world tells me, “Just embrace it—you were born this way!”
(that’s a lie—it’s just lust)
I tried talking to the people at church,
But they just look at me funny—only adding to the hurt!*
Now I’m torn, ’cause the other day I stumbled over porn!
I’m supposed to be a leader, man! How can I move on? I know.
(this is a lie)
That’s why I’m coming to you praying.
I’m praying that you can pray for you sister to make it through.
I’m crying as I write, cause I wanna be right!
Many girls have fallen, and I don’t wanna fall too!
[Hook: KB & Jai]
There’s a war inside my heart and mind! Every day, I fight it!
So make me align to the Truth and rely on your Spirit inside me!
(It’s time to make) war war war war war war,
Cause life is a battlefield!
War war war war war war,
Cause life is a battlefield!
[Verse 2: Swoope]
We’re big fans of yours—me and my lady!
When you came to the show, we was in the front row
Screaming “one-one-six!”, going
Crazy all for the HGA—was a crazy night.
What’s even crazier is the girl I was dating then is fiance now—
I’m engaged to her!
The words that you left, man, rocked us!
So I went and got her left hand rocked up.
But, if I could be honest,
I’m trying hard to abstain and not get her knocked up!
Of course I want kids,
But even more than that I wanna please the Father!
But when I look into her eyes, I can’t concentrate!
Man, I can’t even lie—I wanna consummate!
She’s the one I’m sure, but I wanna stay pure!
Scary the way that I’m yearning for her!
Getting married, but I’m burning for her!
Hard for me to wait till she walk in that aisle
Down in a white gown—I’m thinking night gown!
Man, I wanna do it right now!
Why wait when I feel like she my wife now?
The way that I’m feeling is natural, but, KB, is it godly?
Is it wrong lust, or strong love—this feeling inside for wifey?
Honor the Lord in dating her.
Wanna do the same in waiting, but
This temptation’s a beast!
Please pray for us!
[Verse 3: Trip Lee]
We come in His name,
The slain and risen
Who’s running this thing,
Christ the Lord—
The one who can bring
Healing the hurts of the ones that He claims!
We think we got nothing to gain
By clinging to Christ, the love of the King.
But He was under the same—
Tempted and hurt—He’s accustomed to pain.
Though they feel it feel it—
Pain, but they joy can kill it kill it!
Feeling like life been pillaged.
Can I please intercede for a minute?
Not out of Your grasp!
Your grace can shake! Your power can smash!
I pray this hour and ask—
Allow them to see Your power surpass
That sin! Devour their past!
Drowning with mercy, shower them fast!
Give them the faith to follow the Father!
He’s Abba! Your Honor, please swallow the trash!
Dear Lord, you were never gone!
You promised You’d make ’em forever strong!
Your arm isn’t short—it is very long!
Make ’em like Christ—You get ’em home!
*I know the pain…To be discussed later.
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